Monday, September 27, 2010

Headaches

While at my job, I occasionally get stabbing pains in the back of my head.  Deep headache pains.  With my hypercondriacal tendencies, my first thought is always that I am having a stroke, which, fortunately, turns out not to be true.(1)  But I rarely get these sorts of pains otherwise, and while sitting in a meeting earlier today, I had the thought that there is a layer of latent stress with this job.  Not knowing how to do things and feeling dumb all the time are taking a toll, I believe.  I am able to drop all of it as I drive away at the end of the day, and do not often think about 'work' when I am at home or trying to sleep.  But while here, I believe that I am subject to a lot of hidden stress. 
My brother-in-law, also looking for something different, feels that in his case it is simply the product that is failing to stir his interest.  If he were working on something that he had more investment into, more interest in, then he would be better off.  I am not so sure for me.  Certainly working on a product where I had some inkling, either of the process behind it (such as learning a game product for testing) or the notion how to test it (testing, say, a website that provides data that I am unfamiliar with, as I am pretty good with websites) would certainly help.  One or the other.  Here I have neither, and for a variety of reasons I just don't wish to stick around to find out.  My 'contract' is up in November, so I am targeting that date in the back of my mind to make a leap.
At least my bro-in-law has a point in that we each have a lot invested in this field, and could leverage that to a position that holds more interest.  Additionally, I have come to realize that I could happily be a bricklayer, if the other bricklayers all talked about philosophy and other big ideas.(2) 
Anyhow, I think I am going to update the resume, and start looking at job sites, just to see what is out there. 



(1) I think.
(2) This came up in a discussion on one of the INTP forums.  If the work were undemanding (mentally), but I could bounce a lot of ideas around while doing it, that might not be so bad.  I have found that when exercising if I have a distraction - a book, magazine, or even a baseball game on the TV - suddenly I have done forty-five minutes on the elliptical without even noticing it.  A job that allowed a similar distraction would not be so bad, I think.

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